sick and in pain

well it Saturday it is nice out.......and i am sick i have a cold .......not only am i sick but i am in mager pain i ran out of pain meds and i have to Waite tell Tuesday ........so i can get a shot in my back to help with the pain...........what scares me the most is going with out pain med for  3 to 4 days i am going to be in so much pain and.......i am scarred of going thew with drawls this is going to suck...........i know my wife Had's my back and i am happy about that.......my depression is not that bad to day but i am alittel moody.........retie NOW i am in my room hiding from every one......because i am scared i mite go off on them........i do not know i think i a playing it safe for know....what Else to do i do not know??????????

BAD DAY

A bad day ….what ever the kids did to day dived me crazy……..I was like I could not handle it…..my stress level was at it peek……..I been taking less pain meds for my back and I know this is getting to me……..but any stress from the kids been putting me over the edge …….I usually have know problem with the kids …..they are what get me up every day they need me and I need them…..but lately they have been driving me insane…..I do not know my wife sad’s that they are walking on glass around me I go off on every little thing……I do not see it or I do not know I am doing it and that scares me……..I love my kids and wife???????????

i do not know

i do not know where i sould be happy or sad........that the way i fell all the time ...it is a daily struggle for me...to wake up and know what i am going to do that day....some times my mood change so much during the day nobody knows what i am going to do some times i fell thay are scared of me even my wife.........my mood swings are so bad it scared me some times.......i do every thing i am sapost to do i take my meds every morning and night i get out of bed and face every day with a positive out look for the day ........or atlist i try to anyway.......lol   i think most of my problem is the pain pills and i cant stop taking them tell my back is better.......i try not to be a mean person or a prick as my wife calls me.....lol  well i will take it a day at a time for now and see what happens

what i am scard of

i am scared of my self.........all my life i been scared......what do i mean about that......well let See i   have always been scared of what people thought of me what i thought of my self........yes as fare back as i can remember.......i always try ed to be some one i am not......allwaysed try ed to fit in no matter what i was doing........i did what ever any one els was doing just to try to fit in..........i did every thing steel,lie,drugs,alcohol.........i always try ed to be biger,turfier,do moredrugs or alcohol than every one els.........it was scary i did not care what people thought of me...........i was lieing to myself and every one around me..........i was scared of my self..........one thing i am glad of is i did not know or hang around gang bangers............or els i would have try ed to do it better than any butty els..........i was a scared kid.......scared of what people thought of me always scared people where lol at me...........be for the drugs i steel and lie about my self to make me fell better about my self...........i always sad i did not care what people thought of me............but that was not true........i was so scared of every thing i did........i was scared of what i looked like.........mater of faced i think i was paranoid of everything and anything around me..............i got into fite all the time..........not only with outh kids but even with my sisters..........every one thought i was crazy i would act crazy people would stay away from me because jimmy was crazy..............when all in all i was a scared kid.........i did not fit in any where........i was a deaf kid that did not know any deaf kids............i felt like an out side  i did not fit in any where........the more i try ed to fit in the more it back fierd on me........i was many people.......i was a different person on any given day.......i was scared i was sad,scared,lost,angry..........i cared i cared what people thought of me..........i alwayed thought people lol at me behind my back talked about me behind my back............and when i say people i mean Friends, family people that know me and people that i never met............what am i scared of my self..........when drugs and alcohol came in to the pincher............i thought i found life a way out of the hell i was living in..........by this time in my life i was very depress on top of every thing i was felling..........but the drugs and alcohol finally tuck it all away............i did not care of anything even my self all i whaned to do was get high i did every thing i could............even when i did not have money i found a way...........drug tuck over this kids life...........then i found the miracle drug it was LSD i could live on lsd..............lsd tuck you in to a hole nether world  a world that i thought i could fit in...............when i could not get enough i started to self hert my self..........to relieve pain,depressions,scardns,lost,sadness,angry and anything  els i was felling............i would burn my self i would cut my self i would bang my head punch walls...........i would do anything i thought would help with the PAIN, SCARDNS, depression, ect.............i always thought it was the drugs that did to me what i am to day...........no it was a scared kid........I AM SCARED OF MY SELF THE KID I WAS AND THE MAN I HAVE BECOME.............so that answer's the TITLE what i am scared of   ME YES ME.......

scard of school

i do not know what it is.my summer has been strees free.thank to the grils.i love them dearly. this has been the most panfull summer i have had.but with the saport of my wife and kids and understanding from them.i love them to.but with school around the corner my strees and i am scard to death with bouth pain and strees.when kids go to school i am not going to be abal to handel it this year!!!!!!!(sad,so verry scard